I'm not entirely sure ?

I'm having one of those moments where I'm not entirely sure what I am feeling or thinking. It's everything at once and nothing at all. I have these moments often- they come and they go. It's usually triggered after a busy few days and then I finally relax and watch a movie that is emotion felt or listen to a certain song. Then my mind is flooded. I feel like I know nothing. I'm ok with it, and then I'm scared. I think about life and the people in mine. How everyone around me is living and moving and progressing. People all over the world are feeling so many different things. Passion, heartbreak, anxiety, depression, suidical thoughts, love for the first time. It's all so beautiful. 

I think of my life and how it's all been going on in a blink of an eye. Idon't want to move to quickly yet I want to sprint full speed ahead. Why is that? I have a desire to live and breath life with every ounce of growth, energy and feeling  i have. It's like I know my life has a limit, an expiration date. What does it all mean? Will tomrrow I be thinking the same thoughts?

So many thoughts race through my mind in one day even in one hour. Do I feel too much? Or not enough? One moment I visualize what it would be like to be held  in a new friends arms and kissed by them for the very first time, then my mind flashes to the time i saw my brother laugh until he cried all because we was satisfied with the little bit of love and joy he had in this life, next I see myself as an old woman, worn with life experience and at my end of my journey. I can never tell in these visualization if i am happy or sad.

Do I want too much? Am I expecting to see and do too much. Is that even possible? The sky's the limit, right? 

When I get in these almost sad moments where it is almost like I can see myself and the moments in my life  like a movie. Like I'm sprinting full speed down a cobble stone road- just a full on sprint with so many thoughts passing through my mind. Where am I running? I do not know.Where will life take me? I do not know. All I know is that as  i am running down that road- that is all there is. My and this road- with the wind in my hair and these moments of pure magic, such a human experience, I know that I am thankful for all I am able to feel. Maybe that is away to look at my sadness and confusion and over thinking. I have the honor to be so humbly human. To be able to feel too much and laugh too hard, to be able to hold the hand of a loved one, or see a stranger crack a smile. I have the honor of being. Being alive.