I don't know exactly what I am feeling

This is a post about acceptance.

I have always been a person who would not want to accept emotions other than happiness. I was always striving to be happy... which is good, but not obtainable. Life is NOT going to be blissful every second of the day.

My cousin texted me something that stuck with me " Happiness is the art of self delusion." At first I was thrown off by this text but the more I thought about it the more I agreed. I needed to hear that.

It is okay...

to be sad.
to not be put together all the time.
to be lonely.
to feel lost.
to feel vulnerable.
to feel depressed.
to feel stuck in limbo.

These are all natural feelings. I am learning to accept everything that I feel, and give myself time to really feel it-- even if its an emotion that makes you feel bad. Most of the time we learn the most from the hard things. The things that feel like we will not get through...  the things that break us.

Know that it is all okay. Life is a evolving thing. Some things will be great, some things will be terrible, and we are meant to feel and live it all.

allow yourself to grow, allow yourself to feel.

That is the beauty of it all. How complex we are, and how different.

Milwaukee Maddness

 This post is from a while ago, but it was a great day so I need to post it. I decided to go to Milwaukee to visit my best friend Clair, and also see Rachel and Amanda. All of which are friends in mind that really lift me up.

So Rae and I took the journey there. It was such a successful weekend. It was no drama, everything worked out perfectly. It was exactly what I needed after being so sad.

We decided to day drink and boy did we really go for it.

The three of us split a bottle of vodka, and a 12 pack of beer.. all before the bars.

We spent the day proper day drunk in Milwaukee.

Running around the streets, taking the bus drunk, getting grocery store food, dancing, singing, falling, and adventuring.

We went to this tore down warehouse thing, it use to be where Milwaukee's graffiti artist would do work.

Even run down it was super cool. We were drunk and messing around this grungy area, and it had a tire swing.

There was one point I was so drunk I dropped the 12 pack of beer in the intersection and ran away and made Clair and Rae pick it up.

I then proceeded to fall on my face on the side walk while a cop drove by.

We were obnoxious on the bus, it was hilarious.

We then decided to go to the bars, so we bar hopped.

Rae ripped off these bush coverings that were screwed into the ground so we could use them as scarfs and for warmth. She just ripped them right off-  I love that side of Rae.

We ended up going to a few bars and drinking more, and playing shit pool.

One of the funnier parts of the night was going to Jimmy johns. We had been drinking for10 hours at this point. We go in there loud as can be, order food and fuck it up.

Rae is convinced one girl looks just like Avril Lavinie, and calls here that the rest of the night. I kept falling asleep on and off in the booth, Clair was drinking the fountain soda straight from the tap with her mouth while dancing on tables and behind random men.

on our drunken walk home, I did a snow angel in the snow on the sidewalk, stopped at a house for a break...which ended up being the AA house ( if that's not a sign I don't know what is).

We made it to Rachel's and crashed.

The next day we had the best breakfast and good chats with Rachel and Amanda. It was solid weekend.

Ladies Ladies Ladies

Since I have been home I have been spending a lot of time with the amazing women in my life. It feels like a nice time. We are all choosing to empower each other instead of bring each other down. This is why I love the women in my life.

I have to say I have always had an amazing friend group. We are such a weird, loving group. I would not want it any other way.

We have been hosting a lot of surprise topless Thursday's. Like in a hotel pool, drunk at our house, in elevators... it's been great. 

Ive been having a lot of girls night, with good talks, and sexy, fun photos being taken. 

It'a important that the people in your life lift you up, these are people you are surrounded by and your energy picks up on those around you. We all deserve to be happy. 

I guess life has been a little weird since I have been home to. Its strange I feel so happy and that I am learning and expanding so much. I also feel sad, lonely, and lost.

I guess this is just adulthood.

Anyways... I am learning a lot. Life is all about lessons and what you can take about them.

Im learning to start to pay attention to the good again. To appreciate those who appreciate you and to take everything one step at a time. 

I'm not sure what the main theme of this post. I think maybe it is just an accurate represetnation of my life... all over the place but learning to take things as they come, and to know your worth.

Thankful for the good in my life today-- even though it can be hard to look at the good all the time. 

I have a new friend this semester that I made at my university. Her name is Olivia and I DO NOT KNOW what I would have done with out her. She gets my crazy, drama, dramatic side. We are so similar. She is teaching me that it is okay to be all over the place, it's okay to embarrass yourself and just be you. 

 These are just some photos of us messing around in the sun 

Amanda and Hanna. They both have been people I have known a while, but we recently have got close. We all gain a lot from eachother. Empowerment, love and acceptance.

Just like minded souls that allow you to just be and exist 

I am thankful for their energies and love 

Then there is Janna and Lesley, two friends of mine whenever I see it is laughter, it is fun, and it is easy 

I love people who you learn from and grow from 

Then of course there is Rae. Everyone knows I love my Rae. She is my roommate and best friend. We have always been a match made in heaven, but recently the love and value of our relationship has been prevailing more than usual. 

Everyone needs a friend like that. That just gets and knows you. 

We also get up to the weirdest shit sometimes, just making 

the best of where we are at. 

Then there is my new friend Amanda. She quickly became a best friend. She is bold, and honest, and almost too forward and blunt. I am learning a lot from her. She makes me want to defend myself and to not deal with anyones shit, and to know my worth.

I don't have many pictures of her and 

I that are appropriate to post but  she has been an incredible influence in my life.

I obviously have many other friends in my life that I value-- but these are just a few of my babes who the connect is perfectly compatible, and we help each other be the best version we can be.