The real Vicky C

I've had a lot on my mind lately, in so many different ways. I have been falling apart in so many ways. I was letting it all consume me and bring me to such a bad place.

At first I was so confused as to way I was feeling this way. I knew I missed my mates from Europe but I couldn't grasp why it was this bad. I was worried it was only going to get worse.

I realized that it was just a lesson. Sometimes we need to be broke so we can be put back together,  put back together as an even stronger individual. That is what I realized today, and it saved me.

I want the old Vicky C back. I want my sass, my happiness, my positive attitude. I want it all back.

... and its coming. I can feel it. I need to know that what I had in Europe can never be taken away from me, and the reason I am sad because it was so real in so many aspects. The people I met, the things I did, the things I learned about myself. I need to be thankful for such an experience. I don't want to turn that time into a bad experience because I am unable to cope. I need to look back on it and smile, and know I now have so many amazing friends for life.

I use to be the person who was so mentally aware, in a positive way. I could pull myself out of any funk, and take a life lesson out of it.

I don't want to be this negative, complaining, irrational girl anymore. Its not me. I'm Vicky C and I need to start acting like it again.

I am not looking at any of the good things that are happening to  me since I have been home, and that is not cool, and such a waste of my life. I need to get back to being in the moment.

I need to get back full force into my ways of seeing everything as half full.

I guess in a way I am thankful for this deep sadness I was/ am feeling. I never thought I would say that because it was been horrible. The anxiety, depression, horrible irrational thoughts that came with it were the worse. BUT it made me see why I like doing the things I do so much.

I like reading self help books, listening to motivating podcast, meditating, going for walks, and to weird events on being a happy soul.  It made me appreciate that kind of mindset so much more.

It is so easy to get mad at yourself for embracing your feelings. I am not going to do that, I'm tired of apologizing. I cant control that this was how I felt, but I can take away as much as I can from it. I can grow and blossom from it.

I think I have forgot that I am in control of my thoughts and happiness, and not other people, places and things are.

I feel like I got a little bit of me back today, which was exactly what I needed to spark my fire back in me.

and let me tell you, damn, it feels good to be back.

High Times

This post is just specifically dedicated to getting high. It may not seem an appropriate post to all, but hey its legal in the Netherlands and it has definitely been apart of the culture and the good times I have been having here.

It is just a series of random pictures throughout my whole stay where my friends are either smoking in the picture or are high in the photo that I took. 

I also combined from my quote list that I have here, ( I quote the funny shit my friends say in my phones notes) quotes that my friends said while high. The quotes won't always correlate with the picture.

It's all just random.

" Me, you, a box of condoms at my family Christmas weekend. " - Ted 

" I bought this for you, because  I know I don't know you, and I'm about to smoke your weed now." - Dorina ( talking about her chocolate she brought as a house warming gift) 

" Lewy Im going to strangle you with my vagina." - Vicky C

" Too many drugs, not enough prawn crackers" - Nicolette

"Victoria could you shed some light on this" - Nicolette  Me: * actually turns the light on on my phone* ( 6 joints in; they meant shine some light on the subject like the expression) 

" Who gave me this Molly" - Nin ( with her crazy eyes) 

"When you're high and pass a mirror" - Amanda  

" When I'm on Molly I go up to random people and I tell them that I am literally defying gravity right now." - Amanda ( high at Smokey's) 

" I like guys with hair" - Nin 

" Are my socks decomposing" - Me ( on shrooms)

" You've got to care for it and make each one special." - Max talking about joints

" I wonder if people will just think this is a cig if I post this on instagram" - Vicky C

"When you told your boyfriend you quit smoking and he catches you in the act"- Nin

When you get a new museum card and this was the picture you sent them 

I wonder how proud this picture would make my dad 

when your dreads are wet but you need a joint 

"This country gets weird...it will change you. And just when you think it cant get any weirder, it does." - Random high guy at a party 

I think that may be the best quote I have. I cant explain how true that was for my time in Den haag 

The text that Phillip gets from his mom 

The Classic Drugos

When you smoke white widow 

When you are so high and drunk and sad about leaving your friends that you cry in the fridge and drop Ted's birthday cake 

but then you make it up to him while high in Billy's bathroom where you took a digital film photo shoot

Phillip sees this as my future- why thank you Phillip 

When the space cake is good 

When  you're a 40 year old mom and the weed bring you back to your college days of rippin the bong

" I know I'm drunk when I want to smoke cigarette's out of my nose" - Nin 

 when you wonder if you're still looking good after the party so you take a quick selfie to check

when the molly takes you on a different emotion every second 

Switzerland baby

I was going to write a huge post on this trip but that seems like a lot of work. I think I like blogging because I like remembering my favorite moments and I don't want to forget them. I'm learning that some memories are best left just for you, a personal thing.

I'm going to give a recap but not all the details.

Switzerland was insane. It was the last big trip with the whole group before everyone went there separate ways. We binge drank for 4 days straight and it was incredible. I got a 7 minute lap dance from Ted as his character Deborah. My quote from that was, " this isn't a lap dance, this is a torture chamber." 

This was also a nice trip because two of my best friends from home : Rae and Clair where with on this trip so it was nice to have them around so they could see and experience what I was feeling for months with these new friends of mine.

One of the funniest memories of the trip was we ran into this children's festival. It was this intense ride, where it spins super fast in a circle, there are no seats, no gravity, and your body is literally being swung around on this ride, or you are hanging on for dear life to the bar. If you could of seen the friend group on this ride you would of died. Especially Ted he was letting his body just go and was falling all over the place flopping like a fish, even visualizing it right now I am peeing my pants. The next day we all had massive bruises and sore bodies. Worth is though.

It was are typical get fucked up drinking. It was so fun, we got yelled at every night by the neighbor, he chased us outside once. We all jumped a fence one night and got drunk in the children's playground of a apartment complex.

Switzerland was gorgeous, amazing views and a very clean place

We went to see the giant jet that shoots into the air 

We also on the last day ended up as a group having to pay 350 Euros for fucking fondo, it wasn't funny then, but it definitely is now.

our last day in Geneva Euan and Nin got blackout drunk during the day before our flight

I have no idea how they made it though airport security, but they did 

then while on the plane, Euan ordered duty free whiskey, and drank it

when we landed, I was down by the baggage and the guys were carrying Euan. I was shocked. He was next level drunk. Like cerebral palsy drunk. They had to carry him off the plane, people were watching and taking videos. 

In the airport trying to get our bags and get home every single official or worker stopped us asking us about Euan saying to get him out of there.

Euan got kicked out of Amsterdam. It was hilarious. I have seen him drunk but never that drunk. We had to Carry him and he kept just saying " Triami ami baby" or  " I want to dance baby" 

It was a task but we finally got him home. That is a story I will never ever forget. The snapchat stories of him were so good. 

Overall Switzerland was such a success.