I have wonderful people and experiences in my life. People I can stay up late with and talk about how living seems to be the accident in life.
My thoughts can be racing, all over the place- and that is hard, but I can see the beauty in it.
I love that I can be so high, and pull over, or take time to write down a " beautiful thought" I thought I had.
Today was a day where I was sitting at home with Rae, and we are both reading this wonderful book for our bookclub that is right up our alley. If this book was person, it would surely be a best friend of mine.
The book is an autobiography by Lena Dunham. Explaining, in such a realistic, beautiful way of what it is like to be a woman, a woman in our generation, and a quirky woman at that. Hence why Rae and I relate to it so much.
I relate to her on many levels but specifically through her experiences with herself and men, and herself and life.
A quote that got me thinking,
"I thought that I was smart enough, practical enough, to separate what men said I was from what I knew I was. They way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on distain while maintaining a strong sense of self-respect. I obeyed his commands, sure that I could fulfill this role while still protecting the sacred place inside of me that knew I deserved more. Better. Different.
- BEST PART_
But that isn't how it works. When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are are not made up of compartments! You are one whole person! What gets said to you gets said to ALL OF YOU. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It is something you accept, condone, and learn to believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried so hard to make it complicated."
I. Deserve. Better.
After discussing this post Rae showed be this Yale, speech from this 22 year old. Who verbatim explains life how we see it and how we feel it. The title itself says it all,
" The Opposite of Loneliness"
Rae and I are overly conscious of life, time, and the meaning of it all, and making sure we get our full potential of it all.
Blessing and a curse- trust me.
The Author of the article wrote this as her time as a Yale student was coming to an end, and then she died 5 days later.
I always get mad at my dad, or people who do not get why I live life the way I do. Sure, it is not traditional, I make a lot of mistakes, and it can be a bit reckless.
I guess I am walking cliche in that I have the motto, " You could die Tomorrow" because the truth behind that is substancinal.
Some quotes from her article that clung on to my heart,
" It's not quite love and its not quite community; its just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When its four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can't remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats."
" But let us get one thing straight: the best years of our lives are not behind us. Theyre part of us and they are set for repetition as we grow up and move to New York and away from New York and wish we did or did not live in New York. I plan on having parties when im 20. I plan on having fun when Im old.Any notion of THE BEST years to come from cliched " should haves..." "if i'd..." " wish I'd..."
" What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post0bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that its tool ate to do anything is comical. Its hilarious. We're graduating college. We're so young. We cant , we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, its all that we have."
Just some food for thought, and I reminder to me of why I live my life the way I do when my parents question it, and even when I question it.
